Why Life must listen to us.

For the most part of it, life, currently is unintelligible, because it is unintelligible, and I also wanted to use this particular word. I had no idea what it meant, and since I have looked it up on a online dictionary, I find that it is perfectly okay to use this word here. Life is also very aimlessly prowling around the streets of ambattur in search of taj mahal, knowing very well that its in Agra. Life is also making me come up with obnoxious imageries and metaphors, stupid comparisons that would reduce the size of an average adult by half. Nearly half a year of unemployment has damaged most of my brain and all of my sanity, I kindly request you all to discard your logical part of the brain like you would when you go watch a vijay movie. or a hindi movie. or any movie they make these days.

When life does things like this, it is only nice to blame life for everything. Life is bad, and it deserves a good spanking, it has been very naughty(okay, we are drifting). So, Life must learn to behave properly. In order that life behaves, I have come up with a list of things that life should do:

1. Make coffee every time I want coffee. In general, life must understand my tastes, and my aversion to too much sugar. So, if life is listening, I like my coffee strong. very strong, like a wrestler. preferably, female wrestler. but with grace. not with the muscles showing. okay, i am drifting off again.

2. Listen to me every time I want something to happen, and make it happen. So, when I say I want to be in california, I need tickets to california. I dont know how life will do it, but life should do it. after all, that's what all lives are for, ask any software engineer. Some tell me they have very good lives that listen to them, unfortunately mechanical engineers' lives don't listen to them-they are very arrogant lives, i suppose(No, I don't want to go to california. Not to switzerland either. Yes, I am not lying my posterior off).

3. Life must know that I would like to be happy at times. It is important for life to do this, because it should know that some other lives are happy, and my life alone cannot be miserable. My life can suck, given two conditions:

everyone on the planet is miserable, and doomed.

everyone on the planet is doomed, and miserable.

In addition, life must teach me proper punctuation at times, and not include the stupid oxford comma. Life should learn to be sadistic/masochistic like me.

4. Life must teach me to stop telling things by bullets and numbering, and get out and live life. Life must, in addition to all this, buy me a playstation 3 and an iphone, so that I may lead a mediocre life of a ordinary human being professional who has his eyeballs glued to some screen, with the occasional visits to hawaii for vacations.

5. Life must provide me with enough crap to upload on facebook and twitter and irritate the living 'four letter expletive' out of other people. My post, should be other peoples' laxative.

6. Life must also provide me opportunities for ogling. enough opportunities. if possible, all the time. Any time. 24*7. Okay, this one is top priority.

7. It would be nice if life helps me something other people have in their lives-life. something meaningful, like a job or something. back to madness again. see you all in the next post then.

P.s:shameless networking idea: any possible contacts/people you might know who can help me build me my network and get a job, let me know via email-sgauthamkrishna@gmail.com

if you have plans to come to India and if I know you on back-slapping terms(not the butt) get me a snickers candy bar. cheers. :)