January 30, 2010

what is so cold(cool) about that?

the literary definition of cool, is lacking in warmth, something that promotes cold. i can understand the consternation about the definition itself. cool is being cold? hot is what? being hot? or the lack of cold? much worse is the current usage of the phrase: that's cool.sorry, its technically a sentence, it makes complete sense,so it is not a phrase to begin with. all the english sticklers, please bear with me. what exactly do they mean by: "that's cool, buddy". 

person 1:i did not bring your notebook, i will get it tomorrow.
person 2:that's cool, man.

what is cool? the notebook? or are we talking about tomorrow's weather? why is it that an unabashedly irrelevant statement has become the fad?

person 2:he just slept with her, and never called her back.
person 1: that is so uncool.

uncle? did you say uncle? what kind of a planet has this become? why is it uncle when you sleep with someone and never call them back? because aunts take offense? 
let's rephrase: that is so aunty...that is so maami...(in my language)

you are such a cool dude. why, did you measure his body temperature with a non contact thermometer? 

it has become worse, that you can no longer use the word cold it was originally meant for. i saw a bus on my way, it was very crowded. but i was shaking because of the cold. i casually remarked to the person standing next to me:
it is so cool, isn't it?
he said: yeah man, never seen a bus this full! like, totally awesome.
i was stunned by this answer. i am still fuming at this inconceivable piece of twisted wit that he threw upon me. he turned my meaningful words into his choice meanings, and i was left at the mercy of his meaning;suddenly, it was his conversation. i wanted to swallow my tongue. i was frothing, that i would have actually spat at him had i told him that mine was a remark about the weather, not about the bloody bus or the bloody crowd.

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a bus stand is the worst place where you want to be in sever cold/wind chills more than 5. i was fully covered from my head to toe, hardly anything visible but my eyes(faintly), and the person next to me notes this pehnomenal observation, one that is brilliant to the core:
"its cold, isnt it?"
normally, i am by nature not a vindictive person. i usually do not get strong urges to rip people's throat out. but sometimes, it is only human that you react to intellectually profound statements like these. Its cold. so, when the display board says that its 11 degrees below zero, the person next to me has suddenly discovered that it is cold. in the long history of human evolution, of the many ages that we have passed through, the many winters that have gone by, this person, has finally found it. he has now solved one of the 10 unsolved problems of the world. he has found the answer. he has made me see light. light hearted banter, my frozen right butt. 
thankfully a bus arrives. people see a halo behind my head, because of my enlightenment. i am divine now, and i have a frost bite in the small toe.

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i was in one of the bluest of funks, so, to gather some cheer, i wanted to read some newspapers for hope. sample this:
more job losses on the way. 
unemployment rate steady, not likely to fall
obama cuts tax breaks for outsourcing companies
all hell breaks loose in USA, mid west, ohio, columbus, 43201, worthington, narrowing down...

so now, i am a shining ball of radiant sunlight, cheerfully strolling through the gates of hell to meet lucifer. The great depression, they called it. that is what i was going through as i finished reading the papers. anyway, too many people have told me that i would find a job, which is the exact precondition for getting a job. The more number of people you meet, the more you get a chance to whine about your woes, and the more sympathy in the form of "you will get a job", and the more your chances...So, i am sure almost 94 % of mid western population knows that i am unemployed, so i am now bloody sure that i would get a job. I have people's sympathies, isn't that  the only thing you need, other than a strong resume and some mental grit?
when people are being supportive, be cautious. they might want something; it is simply impossible to have people sympathize without wanting something. it is like being approached by the sexiest girl who wants to talk to you-you would know, wouldn't you, that there is something deeply wrong about the setting? i mean, its you, and a attractive girl. anyone around you would have done the math. almost everybody is waiting for you to respond-are you going to blush uncontrollably and make stupid gargoyle noises, or are you going to ask her what she wants? (what if she says, "i want you to kiss me passionately?" sorry, i am not doing anything these days, so my perversion levels are high).

happy birthday, indian republic.

பிறந்த நாள் வாழ்த்துக்கள்  gops.
பிறந்த நாள் வாழ்த்துக்கள் அம்மா  :)

i had completely forgotten republic day. also, gopal's birthday. also, my mother's birthday. also, the fact that i have to live and sometimes be happy. happy birthday to all those who will be celebrating birthdays sometime after this day. If you want a birthday present, celebrate birthdays on the same day:present tense. that is all the garbage i can come up with for this post. see you all next time, have a fun filled(ok, i take that back) time till then!

சென்றதினி மீளாது மூடரே!நீர்
எப்போதும் சென்றதையே சிந்தை செய்து
கொன்றழிக்கும் கவலையெனும் குழியில் வீழ்ந்து
குமையாதீர்!சென்றதனைக் குறித்தல் வேண்டாம்.
இன்றுபுதி தாய்ப்பிறந்தோம் என்று நீவிர்
எண்ண மதைத் திண்ணமுற இசைத்துக் கொண்டு
தின்றுவிளை யாடியின்புற் றிருந்து வாழ்வீர்;
தீமையெலாம் அழிந்துபோம்,திரும்பி வாரா.



January 19, 2010

அனைவருக்கும் என் பொங்கல் வாழ்துக்கள்.

i was asked what i did for pongal. i would like to ask them, what have i ever done for any of the festivals, that they would expect some kind of a sane answer from me for this question. the next time someone asks me, i am going to give them totally irrelevant or nauseous answers. so, what did you do?:
#i was cleaning toilets all day, and in the morning, it failed to flush.
#i wanted to find inner peace, and i am going to do penance sitting inside a dumpster.
#i was flying high in the USS enterprise in the KC42342DD cluster that i failed to see what the earthlings were up to.
#blood, i am covered in blood. somebody help me, i killed my roommates. aaaaaaaaahhhhh...
#i am going to fly to the moon and come back, can you please hold the line when i do that?
#i have a early meeting with the president of the naked ladies society.
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i am torn apart. i am in great pain over the great loss that seems to be happening to me. I was so appalled by myself, that i wanted to tear off my arm as soon as i did it: i said "go fast", instead of "go fast". I assure you, i have not gone mad. simply put, my allegiances seemed to have changed, and have swung in favor of the western hemisphere, the american english. i no longer am comfortable saying "karma". i have to say, "kaarma". i am very humiliated at reporting this, but i will still tell you this: i said calsium, and i say aluminum these days. all those in my country, who are scornful of this, who are now shaking their heads in agony at this betrayal, should know that my loyalties are always with the queen's english. I am very conscious of the "aah" sound instead of the "aeh". fast, should be fast. it should never be fast. forgive me, my fellow men, i bow down in shame, and i deserve nothing less than a hearing with the council of big pretentious englishman's-english- sycophants. I should say this in defense: it was just the one time, the emotional duress was overpowering, and i had to do it. I cannot say that this is a justifying argument, but that i am only human, and i have to surrender to my weakness at times.

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too many times have we wandered down the path when we question ourselves about the purposelessness of the lives that we live. we seek solutions, and more importantly, happiness. but what is happiness? is it the fulfillment of our desires, to be successful? to accomplish something? to help others? i would like to twist the definition of happiness a little: its a brand new ipod nano with 8 gig memory, with video recording capabilities, and a radio tuner. it is probably the most beautiful thing on the planet, right after some of the best derrière shows, right before "the dark knight". its so slim, that you can hardly feel it, but once you get to see her, you cannot but fall in love, and understand that every other philosophy is absolute nonsense. advaita is not our final goal. the ipod touch is.

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shaking my head, i shrug off the snow deposits on my coat, as i take it off, it amazes me to notice how warm it is inside the hallways and rooms. heating concepts are simply amazing. i am sitting here, a comfortable 23 C, and just 20 cm away from me, a window separates me from an atmosphere not quite suitable for even polar bears. think about it, the temperature difference is more than 25 C!! Engineering is beauty personified. Though these days engineering has been reduced to a status of being science's witch(read with b); we cannot do anything but humbly and bashfully accept the dictates of science.
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என்ன வரங்கள்,பெருமைகள்,வெற்றிகள்,
எத்தனை மேன்மைகளோ!
தன்னை வென்றாலவை யாவும் பெறுவது
சத்திய மாகுமென்றே
முன்னை முனிவர் உரைத்த மறைப் பொருள்
முற்றுமுணர்ந்த பின்னும்
தன்னை வென்றாளும் திறமை பெறாதிங்கு
தாழ்வுற்று நிற்போமோ?