2010 april

certain questions you should never ask a graduate student, who has recently graduated.

1. are you looking for jobs?

no, i am looking to settle down next to a dumpster and eat the stray bits of smelly cat food, live in winter shelters to protect myself, and smell like four hundred pigsties that havent been cleaned in four hundred days.

2. the market is looking bad for entry level grads, isnt it?

 your careless sympathy makes me feel like a bird who has just been crapped on by a plane full of people. thanks anyway. now that you put it that way, i see it clearly, what i didnt see when i was applying every single day, pulling  every single hair out of every single body part.

3, what after this?

sod off you sick disgusting mangy revolting nauseous flatulent *fill in*.

what happens to you is not your fault. No, what happens is your fault, but you are at complete liberty to blame it on other people; make sure you come up with pretty damned good excuses, or you just might be made to hang upside down in a pile of horse manure, hence people would ask you to physically do what is  metaphorically intended-rot in your own pile of steaming s***.

if you are uptight, depressed, worried, anxious, and are not able to see the future clearly, it means you have a severe case of *uptight depressed sick complains all the time bi***itis*. make sure you wake up everyday and go to sleep immediately. anything you may think may have serious consequences. When the thinking stops, everything is bliss. 

all is well. (holy f***, how can i say such things.). when people want to ask favours of me, they say 'if you are free, can you help me with this?'. from now on, i will carry a sledge hammer, and wear a t-shirt that says that i am unemployed and free the whole bloody day. some one who fails to notice this, and tries to be polite will visit the 72 virgins that god had intended him to have after his life.

i also think of how some of my friends are getting married, or getting bikes and cars, or how they have managed to be happy *censored*. i am being consistently reminded of how women dont look for looks, but only for the size of wallets. so these days, i manage to stuff my wallet with every other conceivable piece of nonsense just so it looks big.

some of my best mates have turned mentors, with my best interests at heart. they want me to seriously look for jobs. now, where were these people when i was ogling at that hour glass chick during the college days? why didnt they ask me to pursue that seriously? ok, she was way out of my league, but some support? some encouraging words, like 'she would look at you like she would look at a snail', or 'you have as much chance as mandira bedi has of being topless on the extra innings'.