how I got kicked, got maniacal and landed hard on my butt...

let's start with why recession happened. pre fannie and freddie days, no worries, all is good on the western front.

and then, i got into my final year.

i started working on my project, and the economy crashed like the world trade centre, the babri masjid, the dunlop factory in ambattur.(but wait, the place is alive. with cobwebs, snakes, stray dogs and the occasional share holder who wants to buy the stink).

we have to go back to my project first. my friend had abandoned me, the fellow who was supposed to work with me on this project, for something so petty-he ended up with an internship in paris,(yes, gay paree, the hot chicks, nude buffs, champagne, and jean reno;hell they have a kiss named after their country). and i had to endure my head of department's taunts all alone. i had to explain, why figure had a small f in one place, a capital f in other; why the page number looked slightly offset from the centre. after discussing all these serious issues, i somehow managed to submit a thesis, which in retrospect is a big pile of rubbish.(as every self-respecting engineering student knows)

The time when you usually start applying to the universities is much before all this. recommendations(butt cheek kissing, both sides- of the professors and those pompous seniors who pretend to be supremely busy with nothing), statements of purpose(i had a purpose, but now that i am here, i am left purposeless, must find one soon), and the exams. I have dreams, i told everyone. i have dreams these days too, but of topless dancers going up and down the pole, wanting something. Me. and that's when i realised that these dreams are as vain as the previous ones...

coming back to the united states capital a america, the polls are held, everybody votes, obama asks everybody to start spending their (***) off, and says everything's ok, under control. he mildly asks people from other countries to pack their bags and not make a noise on their way out.

now,i land in america.
 research funding drops, there is no money in the automotive sector, oil prices fall, real estate crashes, dow jones is not seeing anything positive, the world gets to know a soulless leach named madoff and many like him,  and its cold as hell just froze over because its 14 freaking degrees below zero.

my parents and all those i know were telling me that things would get better. and they got worse. unprecedented rates of unemployment, screamed the wall street journal. so much for optimism.

till this day, my parents and my sister believe that things are getting better. and it will always be getting better even if i start cleaning gutters and wash dog poop off the streets; to them, i am always a source of hope and pride. they will make sacrifices in the process of making me a better man.

the camaraderie i shared with my friends, who took me out for vacations, who shared the occasional weekend meal with me, and who cracked  jokes about the next hot girl/aunt on the street, and talked about love and life and philosophy.

my books, cheering me up with stories of people falling and falling hard, and some moments of happiness; sadistic you say? no, it is the rule of life, and not just schadenfreude.

my blogs, making my friends shudder in disgust as to the number of times i have to whine, and how i badly need to get a life.

this is how you tide over a crisis in your life. surround yourself with life, or you might end up being a plastic bag. and all that is left of you would then be a mummy, fit to be wrapped and entombed. for all the misery in the world, those few moments of happiness are a great balance. they more than balance the equation, in that they instill something in you that would be good to tide over another wave of despair.

Before i could even think properly, the year is gone,  but i did add a lot of new things,loosely called memories-strangely, they would come and haunt me when i am down, and cheer me up, like a mirage which is like a temporary stimulant that makes your heart skip a beat as you walk down the path of the times when life was so simple. simple, as in the time you spent unnecessary money on a super cool watch, when you pestered your parents for the 8-bit video game with mario and islander because your friend was moving up the levels and you needed practice, when exam results meant squat, when the next game of cricket was at 1 in the afternoon in the month of april in madras, when the electricity went out and shouts of abuse chorused through the hall like a symphony, the long meaningless talks with your friends that led to more meaninglessness ,the hostel playground and the times you spent with your friends are all that you remember of your undergrad life.

cheers everyone.